You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
