Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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