"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
