Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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