well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i now understand why vodka
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
