You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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