We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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