So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
