Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
