Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
