i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
