8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
