I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize