I wish I could punch you in the face.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
