we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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