I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
