I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
