Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
