That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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