what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
