4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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