Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
honey bunches of taint.
Farmville is her only friend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
