I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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