Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You are the jesus of drinking
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
