Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize