North Korea, Best Korea!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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