if only i could text you this smell
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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