so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
