I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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