I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
