Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
