they need to just BURY HIM!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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