OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
