So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
