My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
