i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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