There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
