She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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