Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Blood and glitter go together right?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
