I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you win again, gameday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
