I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
