he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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