if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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