she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
