Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
