I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
