so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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