i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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