took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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