I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
