Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
