Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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