I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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