Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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