the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
