The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
