you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
