He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
