she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
