i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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