He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
