I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
