I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
