Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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