why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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