Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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