The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
