One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
