My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
