so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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