I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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