I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
