Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
